you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
