i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
