he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
