Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize