so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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