What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
