so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
