I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
