spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
