His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
