Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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