Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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