Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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