im having a threesome with these popsicles
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
