so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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