Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I want to fling myself into the sun
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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