I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
