I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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