Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
