i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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