I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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