My underwear smells like fireworks.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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