girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
