I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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