Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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