Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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