Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
