i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
