so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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