So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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