Will you blow on my dice?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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