before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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