dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
