I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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