It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
