I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize