I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
