You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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