u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
