So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
