You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
