I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
