he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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