i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
