please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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