They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
