I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
