Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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