a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
