Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
