So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
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He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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