Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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