have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
