Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
