Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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