The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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