Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
