She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
