he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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