I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
