i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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