i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
