Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
