there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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