If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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